Life Lessons From Some Ducks

14 Dec

I’ve been watching a lot of Duck Dynasty lately. Right now Mrs. Pickle is saying “We never watch that show!”. God bless her. See, A&E made this show for husbands of pregnant women. You couldn’t convince me otherwise. Because no later does she start snoring (it’s cuter than a baby hippo, and if you don’t think baby hippos are cute then God bless you), and BOOM! there is an episode of the Louisiana Family Roberstons. These guys are men’s men — who value God, hunting, family, and camo. And beards. Big, gnarly, awesome beards.

I’ve learned a few things so far that should prove helpful in years to come.

A) You only need three things in life: a smokin hot wife, a long beard, and a lot of camo
I am 1/3rd of the way there. The beard hasn’t quite come in and a trip to the local Army surplus store / Bass Pro Shops is on the to-do list this weekend.

B) If it has meat, it’s good to eat
When these ol’ boys go hunting, they call it a meat run. They aren’t looking for just deer. They target squirrel, rabbit, ducks, pigs, turkeys…You get the picture. Mama Miss Kay cooked up a Christmas Purducken — a chicken in a duck in a turkey in a pig. Best quote from the episode, courtesy of Phil: “It isn’t pleasant for the pig or the turkey or the duck or the chicken but it sure does make for one great Christmas feast”.
I do have a pesky rabbit eating all my back yard grass… Hmm I wonder if Miss Kay would make me some rabbit gumbo? Which brings me to my next lesson…

C) Call your women “Miss”
It just sounds cool. And the chicks dig it.

D) Talk slow. Most often, don’t talk at all
This may be the most important lesson the Duck Commanders have taught me. It blows my mind how Phil does (most of) what he is told. He rarely says anything at all. But when he does it counts. In fact, all these men treat their ladies with the utmost respect and honor every request.
Most often than not this is because they want some sweet potato pie.

E) Never underestimate the power of sweet potato pie
Self explanatory. Actually this is a lesson for the ladies… We listen better when food is involved.

F) If Miss Kay is happy, Phil is happy
This plays on the old adage, “If Mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy”. Except it’s better because there are beards, food, and camo involved. In one of the more recent episodes Phil takes Miss Kay on a Christmas tree hunt. The woman is insatiable. But Phil shows no impatience, and when she finally finds the one (in a “yuppy’s tree farm” no less), Phil just says “Miss Kay is happy”.
Well said. Enough said. I could do a little more of that.

If you haven’t seen an episode of Duck Dynasty, it obviously will change your life.

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