Lessons in Coccyx-ical Torment

18 Dec

It’s no joke. In the Jar this week we have been under the iron-fisted rule of the Coccyx. It is really a brutal reign and frankly could end any time soon. And mine isn’t even the one acting up. It’s hers!!

Yep, pregnancy has proven that if it isn’t one thing it will be another. So with morning sickness nothing but a little-itty-bitty speck in the rear-view mirror, we’ve moved on to uh… bigger and better things? Something like that. We now suffer from a debilitating pain in the butt. I know what you’re thinking but no I have been a complete angel. Literally people, Mrs. Pickle’s posterior is in pain.

Sidebar, your honor. We are currently watching the finale of The Voice and the following conversation is had betwixt man and wife:

Mrs: “He sings, like, baby-makin music”

Mr: “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Her: “Um no. We already made a baby. No need to do that again.”

Me: “You think every time you win a championship you should just hang up the sneakers?”

Her: “Judging by the weiner on this guy in here… yeah you should think about hanging ’em up”

Me: Silent proud father moment

Obviously she is in MUCH better spirits. To understand how much better of spirits, let me back up a couple of days. When I woke up Sunday I knew we were in for a long one. I said, “Good Morning beautiful” and she said “Hi. My tailbone hurts”. The problem with this statement is simple. There is no easy fix. There may be no fix at all. I suggested Tylenol and a hot shower. She obliged and then limped across the bathroom. Tailbone 1, the Pickelemeister 0. After this we took off to have a nice easy lunch. Five hours later we returned home. I thought I was going to have to carry her inside. Lesson #1: When something hurts in the morning, and you run around town all day, it’s going to hurt worse that night.

We cooked up dinner (which means she cooked dinner) and it was delicious as always. What’s wrong with that? Nothing. However her not being able to stand up from the table was a little wrong. Lesson #2: If it hurts in the evening, actively cooking supper is surely not going to make it better.

Upstairs to bed she went. Apply hot pad, no dice. Apply ice, nothing going. In my infinite wisdom I suggested an dose of Icy Hot. Everyone collectively just went “What the hell is this guy thinking?”. Hold on I’ll get back to that. The poor woman couldn’t even lay down in bed to sleep. I classified the pain as excruciating, she said it was about an 8. Lesson #3/Conspiracy Theory #1: Pain is transmissible through these nifty “wedding bands” we wear. I am sure of it.

She really wanted to go to work Monday and I had to talk her out of it. She was really no better and I insisted a trip to the chiropractor and a day of rest was in order. After seeing our miracle worker aka Dr Kabel (www.kabelchiropractic.com), we finally had some minor relief. The culprit? Not exactly the tailbone but an over-stressed, extremely tight muscle. Prescription: Rest, stretches, and chiropractic adjustments Lesson #4: After one victory it is proven that husbands really do know best.

Thankfully, and as I mentioned before, Mrs. Pickle is in much less pain today and can actually walk without wincing or limping. Lessons learned, and recorded into the eternal stone known as the internet. In the future we can look back and see how I have not actually heeded a damn thing I say.

I have no way to wrap this into some inspirational message, which is good. I was getting tired of being so good at this blogging thing. The real win here is you are up to date with all of our pregnancy pains.

Now grab some eggnog and someone you love — It’s the holiday season!


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