What’s in a Name

13 Jan

A name. A simple thing, yet extremely powerful. A few syllables that define each person. It will be whispered, it will be yelled. Even if you change your given name, the name you then choose takes it’s place. Every binding contract gets your John Hancock. Checks, nameplates, business cards, receipts, ID, & mail are just a few other things that require a name. People greet you with it. Rulers of the world and celebrities are known universally by theirs. It gets put everywhere! Your name is YOU!

All of this puts a lot of pressure on expectant parents, believe me I know. You harness this child with a name forever without even knowing where they will take it. How daunting is that?! Will you see it one day in the preview of a major motion picture? Will they put a prefix in front of it, like Dr? Will they take it to foreign countries?
To make matters a little easier, we in The Jar at least know it will be a boy. That cuts down about 50% of the name possibilities. So then do you go the more historic route with a name of royalty (Henry or George, anyone?), or head the way of a future CEO (David, Michael, and John being the most CEO-friendly)? Do you go unique (Thorn, Beckett, Rhys) or popular (Aiden , Ethan, or Liam)? The choices are seriously limitless. In my opinion it is one of the most important decisions of your life so logically, there must be rules.

A) Don’t let him end lunch period bottom-side up in a trash can. Self-explanatory, but I’ll indulge. There is no reason to give a boy a name that will get him picked on. Johnny Cash knew it, I know it. You now know it. Don’t name your boy Sue, because that’s just low-hanging fruit for my boy to pick…on.

B) It has to sound good coming from an announcer’s microphone. Hey I’m not saying this kid will be a pro, but at the very least he will hear it in high school.. Or maybe in Saturday morning peewee league. Either way I would practice it just to be sure.

C) What’s it mean? I am a firm believer a name needs meaning. Because the day will come when they ask you, “What does my name mean?”. And “Flower of the Valley” is not an acceptable answer (refer to rule A).

D) How do the initials look on engineering paper? Sorry, that one is a personal rule…I can’t help myself. Let me broaden it. What do the initials spell? HOE and DIC are ones you should probably avoid.

E) Last one. Be proud of it. If you aren’t proud of the name you picked out, you shouldn’t use it. It bothers me to no end when people won’t tell you their name because “they don’t want to be talked out of it”. Hey! I have an easy answer for that, don’t be talked out of it! You should be so proud of that name that the Pope himself couldn’t sway you. I have heard so many times “Don’t tell anyone because what if they don’t like it?”. Oh please, don’t break my heart, you don’t like the name we picked out? I don’t care what you think, we loved the name enough to bestow it on our flesh and blood! Be a leader, not a puppet. But don’t name your son Sue, I think we already covered that.

So with all of these carefully established rules I am bringing you a rarity: A baby name unveiled in a blog! I know right?! Never saw that coming. After no debate and 6 months of pregnancy, Mrs Pickle and I have settled on a name : Nolan Wayne will be joining The Jar this year. We couldn’t be more excited!

So let’s check the rules, shall we? A) at least it isn’t Sue. B) as a aspiring radio announcer since my childhood, Nolan will sound just fine on a speaker. Plus there was this one guy, Nolan Ryan… Well let’s just say he made sure this name sounds pure in a stadium. C) it means “Champion”. Plus we have both Nolan Ryan and Wayne Gretzky represented, and my dad. The bases are covered! D) NWD looks great on engineering paper.. Uhh.. I just happened to have a piece laying around and tried it out…once…a hundred times…Uhh… Moving on. E) proud enough I put it in a blog! There are no rules violations here even a replacement ref could see. The ruling has been confirmed, Baby Nolan has a good name!

Please don’t get hung up on the whole I made the rules and then named the kid thing. Purely coincidental.


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