Girls Poop Stinks Too

7 May

In fairness I was warned this would happen. I was fully aware a bias could form. I suppose I simply ignored all the warning signs. I just had no idea what I was in for…

It started nearly a full year ago, around the same time that we found out that Baby Dill #3 would be a sweet, innocent little girl. Nearly all of our friends have at least one girl and all of the dads gave me a simple piece of advice: “Watch out. She’s gonna wrap you around her finger.”. Surrrreeeeee… I’ll believe it when I see it I thought to myself.
But then a few quick months later, there she was. My babes. And it happened; nearly instantly I was took – hook, line, and sinker. If she as much as whimpered I was there to console her in a flash. She was the perfect baby. She was the sun in the universe.  She did no wrong.

I was blind to my own illness for several months. In my boys I only saw ornery slobs, inconsiderate monsters. In my girl I saw a proper princess. Her smile lit up the room. I would cringe when she wasn’t handled like the fragile, masterpiece she is. If the boys would be playing with 15 feet I would be playing defense tighter than Bruce Bowen. Elise Ann Dill ruled the house, or at the very least she ruled my heart.

One evening it finally caught up to me. I was having a fairly normal conversation with the Mrs where we were discussing how difficult Tad had been that day (take your pick on what he was doing) and I said the most absurd thing a Dad could say:

“But babe… at least we won’t have to deal with these things with E, ya know?”

We both froze. She gave me this, “You heard what you just said, right?” look. Yeah… I heard it. What was I thinking? We won’t have to deal with these things? Really? Did I think I had created the daughter of Jesus? I mean, come on man! The only thing we might avoid dealing with by having a girl would be the constant grabbing of their wiener. She’ll still be a toddler; she’ll still misbehave, she’ll break things, she’ll be obnoxious and aggravating. Even worse – she’s going to be a teenager.

So what happened? I was buried under the spell. The Dad of a Daughter spell. I couldn’t even smell that her poop still stinks! I was fooled. There is no way around it. I know now what to look out for; I know what to avoid. It’s those eyes, isn’t it? Yes it has to be those eyes. Or is it the smile? Shoot I don’t know. I am going to just stop making any eye contact with her though, just to make sure.

I wonder if I would have any different perspective had I not started with boys. I wonder if the whole situation was exacerbated by the fact that I had been exposed to the wildness of boys before the sweet, perfect innocence of a daughter. See – there I go again.

Girls poop stinks too. That’s what I have to remember. Girls poop stinks too. They might fool you for a little while with their cute outfits and adorable bows in their hair, but just wait. They can make your heart melt with a sweet smile, or bring a tear to your eye with a delightful giggle. Watch yourself, they are going to catch you snoozing and make you pay. I think. Maybe? I haven’t really experienced that yet with my perfect daughter, but I imagine someone else has…

Argh! Are you kidding me?! I can’t get past it. I might as well give up. She’s just the cutest little thing I have ever seen. I swear to you her poop doesn’t even stink.


My Babes (photo cred to the wonderful Tessa F.)


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